The Vague Diaries

Now, I don't know if it was indicative of the hair length and wooly wildness....but when I went to shave my underarms the other day, I accidentally grabbed my hair brush instead.

Yup.

And I didn't even notice until I actually put the hairbrush up against my skin. At which stage Mr Yumminess probably thought I was crying uncontrollably in the shower (again) but I was killing myself laughing (again).

Please tell me I'm not the only absentminded Mummy out there....actually I know I'm not. I know you're out there, walking around your house trying to find that thing that you had in your hand only TWO MINUTES AGO!

Like a lot of other Mum's, I am a multi-tasker. One of my favourite tricks is to tuck my mobile phone into my bra while it's on speakerphone. That way I can carry out the multitude of things I should be doing when what I really want to do is sit down on the couch for a good chat.

A few months ago, I was using this trick while getting ready to go to a friends house. Around I went, packing Alby's bag, getting snacks ready, all the while talking to my Mum from my brassiere. I got to the crucial part where I have everything ready, he is dressed and shod and standing at the door. I grabbed my bag, checked that everything was in there...but do you think I could find my mobile? I stalked around the house rifling through everything, grumbling to Mum that "this always happens".

Oh yeah. I was complaining to my Mum....on my phone.....that I couldn't find my phone. And because she is also a multi-tasking Mum, she was busy whipping up a 5 course meal at the same time so it didn't occur to her that my phone was actually in my bra. And that I was talking to her on it.

I have to laugh at myself because things like this happen to me all the time. Like, the daily key dilemma. I do not have a place to leave the keys every time I walk through the door. This is because there are so many different scenarios that can happen upon re-entering the house.

Scenario 1: We arrive home and child is busting for a wee. I THROW open the door and run him towards the loo. Later, when looking for the keys while yelling "WHO TOOK THE KEYS?!?!", I find them still dangling in the door lock....on the outside....just asking for robbers to take them.

Scenario 2: I arrive home after dropping Child at childcare with packages of fabric just picked up from the post office. The keys are SO insignificant when faced with such bundles of amazingness that they just get dropped somewhere along the way to my sewing room. Again, later I can be found yelling "WHO TOOK THE KEYS?!?!" (never mind that it was me at home all day by myself working) until I find them in a shoe in the front hall. In a shoe?! I'll blame that one on fabric psychosis.

Scenario 3: I arrive home and place the keys in my bag. Huh. Yeah. You bet. I'll never forget where they are! Upon wanting to leave the house again, I can be found yelling "WHO TOOK THE KEYS?!?!" while checking the normal places...you know, outside in the front door, inside shoes, in the fridge, in the bin. I even look in my bag and miss them because of the usual debris that fills my bag. And when I find them eventually, I'm not happy. I'm annoyed at the keys for hiding from me.

I've never claimed to be rational.

Now, where the hell is my phone?



P.s. I just googled "Multi-tasking Mom" <-- I thought I would get better pictures with an American "Mom" and these were my favourites that came up:

 Why does she have a clock on her head? Is that baby supposed to be her doll or is that her baby? Where are the spew stains on her perfectly laundered 80's power suit?

Dear Mom, that little helmet that your child is sporting to "protect him" probably isn't going to help when a ball clocks him in the completely unprotected fontanelle. Just sayin'.

Dear Blog...

Dear Blog,

I know you're angry with me. I know I've neglected you. I know I promised you daily photos in a "Reasons to be Cheerful" photo challenge. And I know I let you down.

And yes, I have been avoiding you. Oh yes, I hear you nagging me in the background but I've been pretending I can't hear you.

And I'm sorry.

I hope you'll forgive me - I want us to start again where we left off. Well, not exactly - as if I have the commitment to do a photo a day. I got caght up in the hype and yes, I should have known better.

Things that have happened while we have been parted:

1.) I saw someone eating a chico roll. Did you even know they made them any more? I didn't. I don't think I've ever eaten one. I'll put it on my to do list.

2.) I drove behind a car with the number plate "SCROTE".

 **Side note - I have saved this photo in my computer as Scrote.jpg in the hope that someone finds it and thinks they've found some dirt on me, only to be severely disappointed that it's just a picture of a number plate**

3.) Twice I got dressed in my gym clothes, never made it to the gym but still picked Alby up from child care in said attire and allowed people to believe I had been at the gym, not eating easter eggs and drinking coffee.

4.) I have developed a serious addiction to handmade dolls. I do not have a daughter - they're for me. I know that should feel sad and weird...but it feels kinda good.

5.) I taught Alby to vacuum (vaccum? vacume? How on earth do you spell that?) but he has one upped me and instead of vacuuming the dirt and sand from the dogs, he does this with paper and then sucks it up.

I'd say that's one point to Alby, wouldn't you?

6.) I have grown a lot more grey hairs. I'm not saying that in a cutesy, "Oh...I'm so stressed that I have grey hairs" kind of way. I literally have a team of them moving in and taking over. So as an act of rebellion I am going to grow my hair as long as I can and enjoy what time I have left with my non dyed hair before I have to have it cut into the pre-requisite "Mum" haircut that needs to be dyed every 6 weeks. I can't even remember to check if my eyebrows aren't sprouting in 10 different directions every morning, I don't know how I'm going to keep up the maintenance of my hair.
Incidentally - why are all the greys growing behind my ears and on the crown of my head? And why is there always one sticking out of my head on a 90 degree angle?

7.) Alby now goes to childcare 3 days a week so I can work more. The intention was that this would mean I wouldn't have to work at night. I forgot that I am an insane person who actually enjoys working at night and can operate on a small amount of sleep. Actually, one thing it has meant is that my work days feel a lot less pressure filled. I even managed to sit and watch TV for half an hour on my lunch break. I'm serious when I say that is an achievement!

8.) We got a new puppy, Audrey. She is so pretty and so cute and has really good manners. And last night at our last puppy class, the teacher pulled me aside and said that Audrey was her favourite, even though she wasn't allowed to have favourites and that she wished Audrey was her dog. I was so puffed up with pride that I just about floated out the door. Proud Doggy Mama moment

9.) Contrary to the above photo which was taken weeks ago - Alby's dummy is GONE! Just shy of 3 years old and we are "Nummy" free and loving it.

10.) This isn't new news but I want to talk about it so we will pretend. Just quietly - I LOVE that you can watch TV episodes online now. I watch them while I sew and I am totally addicted to Biggest Loser, Bondi Rescue, Revenge and Home and Away just to name a few. Just while we're on the subject of H&A.....omg if Leah and Brax get together I am going to scream. There's no chemistry there at all and doesn't she respect Charlie's memory? Imagine how Ruby would feel!? And seriously April.....just stop it. Ok? Just stop.

*Ahem*

Sorry about that. Does anyone else actually talk like that about H&A? I'm not ashamed to admit that I do. Yeah, that's right - I pretend that they're my friends because no one else is, so don't judge me baby. It's just me and my sewing machine and me old re-runs on the intraweb and me yelling at the screen, ok?

And, we JUST officially hit rambledom.

Interestingly, my urge to write a blog post has coincided with me needing to do the BAS statement for mine and my man's businesses. Transparent? Moi?

With that, I shall bid you adieu.

Basically what I am trying to say, dear Blog, is that I missed you and I want you back in my life and I hope you'll have me back. And that you'll forgive me in advance if I don't write again for another 2 months. I'm busy, you know - I've got clothes to sew!!