Every Friday night we have junk food night. I looooove junk food night - not only do I not have to cook but very unfashionably - I LOVE junk food. The evening in question was KFC night.
I will not go in to details but I will not be eatng KFC for a verrrry long time.
Needless to say, after a night of vomiting, I was in a bad way the next morning. Mr Yumminess had to work so it was me and Alby at home. He was playing happily so I snuck off to bed and had a bit of a snooze.
Can I just remind you of the expression my child wears about 99% of the time??
So there I am snoozing and in comes my angel.
"Mummy?" he whispers "Cook you eggs."
I peel open an eye to see him holding an egg carton.
"Ohhh how sweet...", I think, as he hands them to me, "...even if the thought of eggs is enough to send me over the edge again."
Something sprinkles out of the carton.
It is then that I look at his face. Which is covered in fine white granules. Sugar.
That's when I look at the floor - my eyes following a trail of sugar leading out of my bedroom.
I get out of bed and crawl....yes crawl because I am still feeling so ill and lightheaded that I can't walk, out of the room....following my very own white brick road through the kitchen and in to the playroom where I find a whole 2kg container of caster sugar upended and mixed with ALL of his toys!!!!!
"Yay?" he tries.
"Not yay" says me.
I get myself to the laundry (after much head holding and head shaking and a fair bit of tutting), get the vaccum and start the cleanup - all of this is achieved without standing up for fear of fainting. It's funny now - at the time, not so much.
No one told me that you can't suck that much sugar up all at once.
In fact, I didn't find that out until the fire alarm went off and I realised that the sugar was not only spontaneously combusting inside the vaccum cleaner but it was coming out the back of the vaccum in a FINE WHITE SUGARY MIST! Conveniently covering the entire kitchen in a sticky dust.
So I did what any self respecting Mum would do.
I went and laid back down in bed.
Couldn't get any worse now, could it?